What are the Signs of Defensiveness? Why We Need to Trade our Insecurity for Security in Christ.
I am not writing this article because I am an expert on handling defensiveness. I am not a life coach, nor am I a certified Christian counselor. I am writing because I struggle with habits, mind-controlling habits. I am learning right beside you how to destroy strongholds in my mind by defeating defensiveness through prayer and the word of God.
The Lord has convicted me that I take offense and react in defense. My defensiveness does not always manifest itself outwardly, but my mind will take over, and before you know it, I have spiraled into a wave of thoughts that consume me. I am not a person who typically lashes out. However, I do respond by shutting down and running away. Either mentally in the moment or over a course of time.
All of this because my thoughts and feelings have manifested themselves as master over my mind. Do not get me wrong. There are times that people do hurt me. People are wrong in their words or actions. But, there are biblical ways to handle that situation for a child of God. And there are biblical ways to manage our thoughts as well.
For this article, I will be talking a lot about the thoughts behind our defensiveness and biblical ways to put it off, and how to conquer it biblically. But first, let’s try to define defensiveness.
Defensiveness Defined
Defensiveness is defined as the quality of being anxious to challenge or avoid criticism. The behavior intends to defend or protect.
Usually, it is our ego we are protecting when we’re being defensive.
When you or I are defensive, we are either anxious to challenge criticism or avoid it. Our inward or outward response is to defend and protect ourselves. The challenge, avoidance, and protection are fear-related, which helps us understand being anxious about it.
Being anxious is a feeling of unease, worry, or fear. When we are anxious about something, we try to control whatever sets itself up against us out of fear.
Two Root Causes of Defensiveness
Defensiveness has a beginning or a root cause. Like any other sin, I believe defensiveness has its origins in pride and idolatry. Have you ever heard the saying,” Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” Well, in this case, which comes first, pride or idolatry? I will say it this way pride and idolatry are siamese twins. They are so closely related it is challenging to say which is first. If you pushed me into a corner and demanded an answer, pride comes first, but that is for another discussion!
Defensiveness Manifested as Insecurity
Something is growing if a root is present. In most cases, insecurity grows from pride. It sets itself up as a god—the god of self. If not recognized and controlled by biblical thinking, the problem with insecurities focuses all of its attention, resources, and time cultivating protection and striving after something that does not exist.
Insecurity says I am not pretty enough, successful enough, productive enough, smart enough. I think you get the idea. Enough is a worldly idea. There is never enough for
the insecure
the perfectionist
the worldly focused
When there is never enough striving continues but is not producing anything but a spiral of defeat.
We Have Nothing to Offer
Christ did not purchase you, nor anyone else, with His blood because you were a great bargain, had everything together, or were perfect. You had nothing to offer Him. He has everything to offer you.
If the thought of not having anything to offer Christ was like a knife being plunged in the heart, recognize it for what it is. A diversion is vying for your attention, pulling your mind away from the truth of the gospel.
Remembering to Whom We Belong
Defensiveness does not know Christ, but you do. When we let our thoughts and feelings push us toward ourselves and away from Christ, we have forgotten we are not our own. 1 Corinthians 6:19.
We are bought with a price and called to glorify God in our bodies. In context, 1 Corinthians 6:19 is talking about prostitution. Let’s not prostitute our minds or actions to a world or a false idea that has nothing to offer.
We must remember who bought us. Remembering Who Christ is, what He accomplished on the cross, and what He continues to do in you through the transforming power of the Gospel. When we do this we are defeating defensiveness.
God is For Us: He is Our Focus
Insecurity masquerading as defensiveness makes you believe everything or everyone is against you. In your defense, you listen and start the cycle of protection. When caught in this cycle, you always end up back where you started. Never secure, never protected.
But you are secure, and you are protected, you are loved. Paul tells the church in Romans 8:31 if God is for us, who can be against us? He then begins to compose a list of the things that cannot conquer the power of the love of Christ.
Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril or sword? Just as it is written, ” For your sake we are being put to death all day long. We were considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” But in all things, we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, not things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Love Conforms to the Image of Christ
Love holds. Love protects. Love conforms. Our need is conformity to the image of Christ, not conformity to our made-up image. He loves and protects us, something we cannot do in ourselves.
Jen Roland writes this in her article:Defeating Defensiveness – How to Stop Taking Things Personally
Only through God’s power can we be shaped into men and women of integrity whose lives increasingly become an accurate reflection of His image.
When We Believe God
When we believe we are profoundly significant in God’s eyes and that He loves each of us as if we were His only child, defensiveness and insecurity will be drowned out and replaced with striving—striving to honor and please Him instead of ourselves, men, and the world.
Put Off the Fortress of Defensiveness
In reference to your former manner of life put off the old self which is being corrupted with the lusts of deceit, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind. Ephesians 4:22-23.
Our thoughts can deceive us.
Our heart is deceitful and desperately sick. Jeremiah 17:9.
Defensiveness involves thoughts and intention. Proverbs 4:23, Ephesians 4:17-18.
Listening to our fleshy thoughts will lead to destruction. We have put up a fortress to protect our ego but the one we set up is holding us captive.
In 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, the Apostle Paul tells us we have a divinely powerful weapon to destroy this fortress. Take hold of the divine power, take every thought captive, and make it obedient to Christ. We are in a war against the god of this world and our flesh. FIGHT!
Put on Humility
In humility, receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls. James 1:21. Humility is the opposite of the pride embedded in our hearts. Recognize where you are bow to the truth of God in His word and begin the healing process of freedom. The freedom Christ already bought for you and me!
Application:
Identifying defensiveness, insecurity, or whatever is holding you back from living free in Christ and living a God-focused life is part of the battle. When you feel the weight of defensiveness rising, you stop and consider why you are feeling this way. Ask questions and run to God in prayer. He gives wisdom to those who ask without reproach, meaning, He is not disappointed in you and does not disapprove of you defeating defensiveness. James 1:5. You are His child!
It is for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1
Defeating Defensiveness-Trading insecurity for Security in Christ
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